Can, 49
double quotation markI was used to telling people that I could only offer them adventure, but with Shani that wasn’t true
I remember the moment Shani leaned forward slightly at brunch. We started kissing but we were a bit tipsy so decided to leave it there. I’d been poly for seven years after my divorce, rediscovering myself through the pleasure of connection with different people.Shani and I both decided to stop having sex with other people so that we could experience each other fully. I was used to telling people that I could only offer them adventure, but with Shani that wasn’t true. Maybe it was timing, or that she also wanted good sex with someone who didn’t need a relationship. In the beginning, she focused on the physical – I was more of a sexual tool for her than a partner, and I understood why she needed that. But trust grew slowly and Shani began to let her guard down. Now she says she likes my company as well as my anatomy.More than two years in, we still can’t get enough. We only see each other a few nights every couple of weeks, and that distance keeps the sexual tension alive. My life with Shani is completely separate from my life as a divorced father. There’s still a part of my heart that’s frozen, and difficult to open up and give away. Divorce does that to a person.What I’m drawn to most is her brilliant mind. She’s intelligent and has strong opinions, which is as arousing to me as her figure. The more she realises how much I love her body, the better the sex is. Shani initiates by walking through the door wearing a certain nail polish or lipstick or shoes. I initiate by coming up behind her and biting her neck, and depending on the way she smiles or pushes back on me, I can tell there’s reciprocity. If she’s horny, it’s written all over her face.I didn’t think my sex life would be like this in my late 40s. It helps that Shani and I are very open with each other. We talk about attraction, other people, our fantasies. She told me early on that she can get jealous. It’s about being open – communicating our doubts and fears rather than letting them sit unspoken.Shani, 44
