LifestyleSex & RelationshipsColeen NolanAgony aunt Coleen Nolan advises a reader who is struggling to put boundaries between her and a friend - and says she has tried backing away but isn't getting the hint08:51, 04 Aug 2026Updated 09:14, 04 Aug 2026Dear Coleen,I have this friend who encroaches on my life too much and it’s overwhelming. I tried backing off and becoming less available, but it hasn't worked, as she's now using our daughters' friendship to be a part of our lives.‌She organises days out and sleepovers and says the girls have arranged it themselves. Our daughters are 15 and have been good friends since reception class and I don't want to do anything that affects their friendship, but the mum is too much.‌The thing that really annoys me is that she'll just turn up at my house and expects to come in for a coffee or a drink and stays for hours. It doesn't matter if we’re making dinner or eating dinner; she'll just sit there. She doesn't seem to have any boundaries or awareness of how other people might feel.‌She also allows her daughter to do things that I don't let my daughter do, like have alcohol at parties and travel on her own, then makes me feel really boring when I say no. How can I be more assertive with her?Coleen saysGive her boundaries. She clearly feels like she can sit down for hours while you're having dinner, so you have to tell her that's not OK. Firstly, on the 'boring mum' thing, if you don't want to let your underage daughter do certain things, then stick to your guns and don't care about what other people do. I never did when my kids were teenagers.‌I remember my daughter Ciara complaining one day that I wouldn't let her do something and I said: "While I love all your friends and would be so upset if anything happened to them, if anything happened to you my life would be over and, while I can control things, that's what I'm going to do".What you need to say to this friend is: "If I find out my daughter is drinking or staying out late when she's at yours, she won't stay again". In terms of being more assertive with her, if she suggests something you don't want to do, then phrases like, "I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me" or "Sorry, I'm not available" are good.I think when you start providing reasons or excuses, she'll try to come up with solutions to find a way round it. Plus, you don't owe her an explanation, and you don't have to justify why you're not available. You're not free. End of story.Article continues belowIf she has a problem with that, then it's hers to deal with. Maybe she'll fall out with you, but it doesn't sound as if that would be the end of the world.Coleen's words of wisdomIf you want your life to change, then you have to do something different. Even if you start by making a few small positive changes to your daily routine, it'll shake things up and help to shift your mindset.Choose Daily Mirror as a 'Preferred Source' on Google News for quick access to the news you value.‌Coleen NolanLoveTeenagers