Betsy, 55
double quotation markI used to kick guys out of bed after any sexual encounters. But with Felix it was totally different from the start
Felix and I have separate caring responsibilities. I look after my adult son, who has disabilities, and Felix is his elderly mother’s full-time carer. We live in separate suburbs of the same city, and see each other three set evenings a week. We often feel stressed and preoccupied, and so we have a rule: for the first hour, we do a shared trauma dump, where we talk about the sad feelings weighing on our minds.We have sex once a week because it’s the only time we are alone at mine without the people we care for. Felix tends to initiate more than I do because in the last year menopause has really dampened my sex drive. I worry about him feeling rejected. His love language is touch and I want to be able to give him that – so I hold his balls as we go to sleep, which makes him feel comforted.When we met at a house party three years ago, we had an instant connection. Felix is covered in tattoos, with lots of earrings and a mohawk. He gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek. After that, I was on a trip for 10 days and kept thinking about that kiss. We spent that time texting and covered so much ground that by the first date, I felt I already knew him really well. He confided in me that he was creating a science fiction pornographic comic strip based on his own fantasies – in a universe where women dominate men – and invited me into his sexual desires.I used to be quite cynical about sex. It was an itch I needed to scratch. I don’t find that intimacy comes very naturally to me. I hated sharing a bed and used to kick guys out after any sexual encounters. But with Felix it was totally different from the start. Our first sexual encounter was slow, intimate and caring. He really dissolved my boundaries. Unlike previous guys, I find him worth sharing a bed with, even if he disturbs my sleep. He’s always called me Lil Betzy – as though I am a rapper – which is hilarious, because I’m a middle-aged woman. I think of him as a gentle part of my life I can cosy into.Felix, 58
