Kevin, 38
double quotation markSince the all clear, my relationship with my sexuality has shifted a lot
I’ve been in recovery from drug addiction since I was 19, and I had cancer 10 years ago. So there have been points when sex has been important to me, and periods of abstaining and working on myself. Jade and I have been together for 11 years, and the sex was always good – not particularly kinky, just really intimate, nice sex.I got ill after we’d been together less than a year and had to have one of my testicles removed, which put an immediate stop to any sex. Then I was in chemo, and sex wasn’t even on my mind – the whole period was incredibly traumatic. I’m eternally grateful that Jade stuck with me through it. Since then, my relationship with my sexuality has shifted a lot. I’ve become more vulnerable and open.When Jade came back from a party and said a couple had asked her for a threesome, we were in a really good place. We were having sex multiple times a week, talking a lot, being open. We were actively looking for something fun, exciting and maybe a bit naughty to do. So when she asked how I felt about it, my reaction was, “I feel pretty good.”We started going to parties and clubs together. The first time I saw Jade with a guy, I thought, “Oh, this is actually really nice.” We were instantly more attracted to each other. As soon as there was this little bit of spice, maybe even a threat, it gave us a boost. We found operating as a couple and seeing each other with other people easy. There was an instant uptick in the amount of sex we were having and how exciting it was.I have scarring from the operation – all the lymph nodes were removed from one side of my groin, and there’s a big scar where they removed the testicle on the other side, so that was a massive blow in terms of confidence and self-image. But since exploring polyamory, I’m a far more confident person than I was before. I feel better than I ever have in my life. My relationship to my own sexuality, confidence and body is miles ahead of where it was. If you’d asked me three years ago, I would have said I was straight. I now identify as queer.Jade, 37
