Sir, – Lucinda Murrihy’s letter (“The real meaning of inclusion,” July 10th) about her son losing the simple, ordinary experience of going to the supermarket struck a chord with me. It reflects something many families of children with intellectual disabilities encounter every day.My autistic daughter is 13 and has an intellectual disability. The greatest barrier she faces is often not her disability, but the assumption that once an opportunity has been offered, the work of inclusion is complete. If she cannot participate, the conclusion is too often that the activity is not for her, rather than asking what must change in the environment, expectations or organisation to make her participation possible.There seems to be an invisible and constantly shifting threshold of disability that our systems are prepared to accommodate. Once a child needs more time, flexibility or support, the conversation can quickly move from “How can we make this work?” to “We have already accommodated you.”The same thinking shapes the inclusion of disabled children in mainstream schools. Children considered to need “too much” support are too often left isolated from their peers in separate or segregated settings. Their absence from mainstream classrooms, clubs and community life then becomes familiar, and segregation begins to seem normal or inevitable.Disabled children consequently miss ordinary childhood experiences: birthday parties, clubs, camps, school tours, graduations and the chance to build friendships. As Lucinda so clearly described, they may also lose access to the informal “third spaces” of childhood, shops, cafes, playgrounds, sports grounds and community events, where confidence, relationships and a sense of belonging are formed.This absence is a loss not only for disabled children and their families, but also for all of us. Communities are diminished when children grow up without learning alongside, knowing and forming friendships with disabled peers.Inclusion should not be measured by whether an invitation was extended. It should be measured by whether the person was genuinely able to take part. – Yours, etc,JULIA CUMMINS,Dundrum,Dublin 14.