Q. My boyfriend comes from a vastly different background than me. I never saw this as an issue, but I know he has made little digs in the past — making fun of my more privileged upbringing and my family’s customs and traditions. I usually laugh it off because I love him deeply and I don’t want something as meaningless as money to define our relationship.
The real trouble started when I recently introduced him to my family for the first time. In the days after multiple family members voiced their disapproval — to my face and behind my back. I’m shocked. I never thought we were that kind of family. Now I feel embarrassed, because it feels like they’ve confirmed all his prejudices about us.
How do I navigate this without losing either my partner or my family?
A. This is painful, and I’m sorry you’re in the middle of it. It sounds like you’re being pulled between two worlds you love — your partner and your family — and it’s exposing a layer of tension you didn’t know was there.
Let’s begin with something important: money is not meaningless. It’s never just about cash: it’s about power, status, belonging, identity and safety. As the psychologist Galen Buckwalter wrote, “Money is emotional.” Class differences shape everything from our sense of humour to our assumptions about success, intimacy, parenting — even how we argue.
