You can’t fix him, or anyone else. You have to look after yourself first, and you may want to start by asking if this is a healthy relationship
Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a reader
I’m 15, and in a six-month relationship with my boyfriend who has a very toxic home life. This has given him significant mental health issues.
He gets upset by little things, and struggles to move on, catastrophising small disagreements, thinking I hate him and saying he’ll self-harm. He has a really strong sense of self: he hates people being better than him at anything he cares about, and is obsessed with looks. The real issue for me is that I often feel I’m walking on eggshells: I can’t tell him about achievements or he’ll get upset; I soften any viewpoint I’m worried he won’t like; I can’t tell him he upset me without him getting extremely defensive.
I do not want to lose him. He’s really thoughtful, caring, beautiful and profound. He always checks for consent before doing anything sexual (nothing much as we’re both underage); he cares for me if I’m upset, gives me advice, makes me feel confident in myself and happy. But I’m worried about the coming weeks, as I’m going on holiday and I know I’ll have to reassure him I love him every two days, feeling guilty for just having a nice time.
