Over the past 25 years, there’s been a palpable rise in parenting experts and trendy parenting styles. Are you a millennial who wants to avoid the helicopter parenting trap? No problem! A quick search on Instagram yields countless colorful infographics that offer the pros and cons of every parenting style, ranging from gentle to authoritative.
Except you can’t parent via an Instagram carousel. A few bullet points on a Canva background leave ample room for misinterpretation. For example, you may think you’re gentle parenting, when in actuality, you’re engaging in permissive parenting.
“Gentle parenting should mean being kind and treating your children with respect,” said Danielle Lindner, a parent coach and founder of the London Day School in Florham Park, New Jersey. “But what it often turns into is parents who don’t hold their children accountable for anything. They don’t discipline, and they don’t treat their kids as intelligent human beings. Instead, they treat them like fragile flowers who can’t take constructive feedback or learn from mistakes.”
Or, your attempts at authoritative parenting may indirectly turn you into an authoritarian: “[These parents] don’t give their children any room to grow, no flexibility, and no autonomy,” continues Lindner. “They control every aspect of their child’s life. This type of parenting does not build respect. It doesn’t help kids learn how to make decisions or feel good about themselves.”
