Vivian, 61
double quotation markSince menopause and being with Thomas, my interest in sex is much higher
“If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it,” my sister told me a couple of years after my divorce. “Go and buy a vibrator or something.” It was then, in my mid-50s, that I started masturbating for the first time. I had a sexual awakening: I orgasmed for the first time in my life, started listening to podcasts about sex, and was hornier than I’d ever been. It was around that time that Thomas and I started flirting via texts.If I’m honest, the fact Thomas was still married made it more exciting. I justified it by telling myself that he and his wife hadn’t had sex in years. He told me he had feelings for me, but it was me who made the first move.We first had sex seven months before Thomas eventually separated from his wife. I thought it would be a one-off. I couldn’t imagine us as a couple, but I knew we’d have fun. I’d never been with someone who cared about my pleasure before.In my marriage, sex was boring and vanilla, something we did on a Saturday night. Since menopause and being with Thomas, my interest in sex is much higher. If it were up to me, we’d have sex every other day, but it’s more like twice a week. Once Thomas has had time to replenish, I’ll say: “It’s been a few days …” But my desire is responsive and I’m not used to being the initiator.Thomas’s libido has declined since we’ve been together, and I worry it will continue to. Our drives probably aren’t that different, but for me, sex is connection and reassurance. When he orgasms, I feel complete. If Thomas initiates, it reassures me that I’m not too old, that I’m still attractive, that he still desires me.Thomas, 58
