Dear Roe,I’m torn about a situation that has arisen with my sibling. Typically I arrange all of the social meet-ups, but recently I’ve found myself becoming fatigued with the one-way traffic. My sister’s family lives very near and I would’ve assumed that this would lead to regular encounters with one another. They have two young children and, admittedly, family life is busy for them at the moment. I’m always told, “Call over any time”, but I’m starting to question the legitimacy of this apparent open-door policy. Maybe I’m unreasonable in my thinking, but in my opinion that narrative ensures that my sister completely washes her hands of putting any effort into the relationship as it puts the onus on the visitor to instigate any meet-ups. This has resulted in a, perhaps one-sided, cold war-type environment where I’ve stopped initiating meet-ups and we haven’t seen each other for almost three months. This has thrown me. Maybe I felt there would be some realisation on her part that would prompt some effort to arrange a meet-up. Part of me wonders am I being childish. For all I know, they are completely oblivious, caught up in their own bubble. At what point do you abandon ship socially when there is no reciprocation in meeting up? Or do we continue in our prescribed roles where it’s left to one party to initiate meet-ups? I don’t want to bring it up and make them feel obliged to spend time with me. Maybe I should just take the hint?Okay, I’m going to need all the parents reading this to skip down to the last two paragraphs. You’re more than welcome to rejoin us there, but the rest of this column is not for you, only for the childfree among us.My dear letter writer, welcome to the Childfree Club. Your membership may be temporary or lifelong – either way, you are welcome. There are many perks: lying in at weekends; clothes devoid of jammy handprints; uninterrupted adult conversations; no obligation to clean up another person’s bodily excretions; consuming films and TV made for adults instead of listening to the Frozen soundtrack three times a day; sharp corners, decorative items and dry-clean-only fabrics in your home; being able to leave the house whenever you want; having sex whenever and however loudly you want; actually wanting sex rather than recoiling from being touched after tiny hands have been grabbing at you all day; and spending your income on yourself instead of childcare, school fees, clothes grown out of within weeks and toys specifically engineered to drive adults to the brink of madness.It’s a pretty great club. I’m a big fan. But like many clubs, one downside of belonging when your friends do not is that they no longer get to share these perks. And because they don’t, your friendships inevitably change, particularly when their children are small and the difference between your lives becomes very stark.And here’s the secret thing you’re not allowed to say in front of parents but are encouraged to complain about at Childfree Club’s venting sessions: new parents can become pretty crap friends for a while. Naturally, every venting session begins with everyone nodding solemnly and empathetically, saying, “Not that it’s their fault, of course! Completely understandable!” We acknowledge that modern parenting is brutally difficult, childcare costs are astronomical, villages have disappeared, expectations have intensified and most people are doing it all while working.But we also get to admit something else: having your closest relationships suddenly change is hard. Being deprioritised by those you love is lonely. Constant cancellations, conversations interrupted every 30 seconds, always being the one reaching out, never quite getting to talk about your own life – it all hurts. When your social support system suddenly offers less time, less emotional support, and less reciprocity, that is a genuine loss.But here’s what you need to remember: it won’t be forever. It will be a while, but not forever. Once children become more independent and your sister starts reclaiming some time for herself, things will become easier. But how you behave now will define what your relationship returns to when that time comes. People’s lives and priorities change, and if you continue to measure the someone’s genuine love for you or the strength of your relationship solely on its rhythms and routines remaining the exact same over time, then you are setting everyone up for failure.[ ‘I’m a man in my 40s and feel like I don’t have any real friendships’Opens in new window ]Your sister’s life has changed, and you can either sulk about it and act like her having children and being unimaginably busy and overstretched is something she’s doing at you, or you can accept that her life has changed, and adjust, too.Her open-door policy is real. She would love for you to visit more. It is far easier for you to go to her than for her to bundle children out of the house or arrange childcare. If the kids are little, she probably doesn’t need help with them as much as she needs help with everything else. Fold laundry while you chat. Wash dishes. Build a standing weekly visit so neither of you has to negotiate it. Time your visits around bedtime if possible, go for walks together or simply do errands side by side.And yes, accept that you will be the one initiating for a while. It can be hard not to take it personally when a lot of relationship rhetoric tells us that equal initiation is a sign of enthusiasm. But your sister is not some guy you’re texting – her feelings for you are not on trial here. Adult relationships, particularly those between parents and childfree siblings or friends, adapt. And because great freedom comes with great responsibility, you’re going to have to do some adapting.Your social support system may need to adapt and expand a little, too. As it can be a lonely time, and you may have some gaps in your social calendar and emotional support roster, reach out a bit more to friends and other members of the Childfree Club. When you feel supported and cherished in other areas of your life, the shift in dynamic with your sister won’t sting quite as much.You can also be honest with your sister about how you’re feeling without attacking her. Tell her that you completely get that things have to change but that you love her and miss her and are struggling with how different everything feels. I guarantee you that she is struggling with the adjustment too. Remember that everyone feels left behind in some way. You feel left behind by her, but I promise you that she feels left behind by everyone, too; along with pop culture, news, evening events, and everything else that is moving on without her – and now her sister also hasn’t called over in three months. She probably misses you and assumes you have no interest in her life now. Show her that’s not true.[ ‘I have four children and feel overwhelmed all the time’Opens in new window ]We in Childfree Club know this bit is difficult. But being in Parent Club is really difficult, too. Bridge the gap.Parents, welcome back to the chat! You didn’t miss anything, we were all just singing your praises. You have the hardest job in the world! We don’t know how you do it! Do you need a hand with the dishes? No, you sit down, we’ll put the kettle on!One tiny favour, though: if you get a spare minute, send your childfree friends and siblings a message telling them you miss them and asking what’s happening in their lives. It’ll mean far more than you realise.