Is your sister saving up her complaints just for you, advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith asks. Perhaps your listening is exactly the help she needs
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I love my sister dearly. However, we could not be more different. I approach things head on: if something is a problem, I start working on it. She, on the other hand, is very passive. For the last 10 years three issues have been bothering her – her weight, her marriage and her dissatisfaction with her job. But she does nothing about any of them.
I tried to help her in many different ways: direct advice – she gets offended and feels judged. Then I tried “tiptoeing” around her. For each suggestion, she always has an excuse why it won’t work. Additionally, she often has a victim complex, as if things are just happening to her and that she has no personal agency.
Now I just listen because I gave up. But, because of this, I am feeling like a “dumping space” – my sister can talk for an hour about the same things. So I was wondering, what can I do? What other approaches can I try, so I can help my sister, while still being supportive and letting her do things in her own time and way? It hurts to see her stuck in life.
