If you think South Africa's royals have not covered themselves in glory, you ain't seen nothing yet. A gander at the depravity of Western blue bloods will have you falling off your throne.
By the time you reach the end of this piece, it’s highly likely that the Bureau would have been sued by a firm of expensive attorneys on the highly agitated, dik gesuip instructions of Zulu King, His Majesty King Misuzulu kaZwelithini. The arse that currently sits on the throne of the legendary Shaka Zulu did the institution of royalty no favours recently. Shaka was known for his military tactic of staying in the closet, before fabulously emerging to surprise his enemies with his fearsome bull horn formation.
By now, you’ve probably seen the viral video of His Majesty, completely sauced, verbally abusing one of his wives. He looked less like a sovereign ruler of millions and more like a man who had successfully survived a 48-hour bender at a beachfront tavern, swaying like a half-collapsed gazebo.
We can already hear his lawyers drafting the cease-and-desist letter, claiming his slurred mutterings weren't drunken nonsense, but a "sacred royal dialect that only people with actual land ownership can understand," and that his staggering was a "complex, spiritually deep Zulu balancing maneuver. And stop inferring that Shaka was gay!”
