Many adult children know they should ask their parents about wills, medical wishes and who should make decisions in an emergency. But knowing that conversation needs to happen and actually starting it are very different things. For the sandwich generation, who are already balancing care for children and ageing parents, avoiding the subject can feel easier in the short term – until a fall, diagnosis or sudden hospital stay forces decisions that no one is ready to make.Families often delay these talks because they fear upsetting a parent. But having these conversations early can provide peace of mind and a better sense of wellbeing and security for all concerned, says Nicole Woodward, the head of trustee services at the wellbeing company Australian Unity. She recommends people sign a power of attorney document – which delegates decision-making power if someone is incapacitated – around the same time they make a will.
Nicole Woodward, head of trustee services, Australian Unity
“If a person doesn’t put things in place when they have capacity – that’s the ability to legally sign a document – it could be that their wishes aren’t reflected,” Woodward says. “It may even mean that a tribunal will appoint somebody to act as an administrator, and that may not be the person you would have chosen.”Starting the conversationSandwich generation carers can feel like they’re rushing from one responsibility to another, but they should try to find a calm moment to chat, Woodward says. Use a soft opener – such as “I want to make sure we understand your wishes if anything unexpected happens” – and try to approach the conversation with an open mind. “Don’t take it as a negative if your mum or dad asks a sibling to be their power of attorney; it often means they recognise you’re already busy enough,” Woodward says.Every family’s dynamics are different, but if you all have the parents’ interests at heart, it can be helpful to have the discussion as a family. “Where possible, these decisions shouldn’t be a secret,” Woodward says. “The more people that are aware of the decisions, the easier it is when the time comes.”If you’re the one managing thingsIf an adult child does end up managing a parent’s financial affairs, boundaries need to be established from the outset. Woodward says careful documentation and good record-keeping are important. That means keeping accounts separate, making sure assets are held separately and maintaining proper records of spending and decisions. Even well-intentioned carers can run into problems if family money and personal finances become blurred.When outside help can helpFamilies don’t have to navigate these decisions on their own. Independent advice can be especially useful if there are complicated finances, blended families or disagreements between siblings. “If your parents have a trusted solicitor or financial adviser, it can be helpful to have them involved in the conversations, too,” Woodward says.In some cases, it may make sense to go a step further and appoint an independent trustee company, such as Australian Unity, rather than relying on family alone. Woodward says some people choose to separate the roles, with a trustee handling financial decisions, while an adult child acts as guardian and makes decisions about healthcare, lifestyle and living arrangements. This can ease pressure on families at a stressful time, while also helping protect the older person’s interests.The advice in the article is general in nature and does not constitute financial, investment, legal or tax advice. Always obtain independent legal and financial advice.Australian Unity is a wellbeing company delivering health, wealth and care services to support people in the moments that shape their lives. Visit Australian Unity for information and resources for the sandwich generation.
