Spider-Man: Brand New Day tickets officially went on sale today, and with tickets comes the inevitable question: What themed novelty items will be available for storing all my delicious snacks? In this case, there are several answers to that question, ranging from reasonable to impractical to full-on nightmare fuel. Let’s start with reasonable: AMC has a Spider-Man head sculpt bucket that looks like it fits a decent amount of popcorn with a large and easily accessible opening. Not exciting, but functional. © AMC Regal also has a reasonable option with its wall crawler popcorn tin shaped like a New York City apartment building. © Regal Cinemark has them both beat in terms of sheer ludicrousness, though. The regular popcorn bucket may seem fine on first glance, but that lid is a hindrance in the theater—where are you supposed to put it while you’re cheering, eating, and trying not to choke all at the same time?—and it will inevitably be lost forever once you take it home. But the real star of the show is the Spider-Man combo container, which holds both a drink and, allegedly, popcorn.

© Cinemark Not only is popcorn bound to spill out of the shallow, amorphous web, but you’ll have to shove your face right into it to sip your drink from the straw that extends through the bowl. As an eating and drinking vessel, it’s utterly absurd—and that’s not even taking into account that, for proponents of organic webbing, there’s a truly frightening question of what, exactly, that bowl is made of.