When my husband Mark was growing up, he was scared of becoming a man. He remembers beer adverts depicting a version of masculinity that, as a seven-year-old in 1989 who lived with his mum and sister, felt intimidating.
This feeling amplified as he got older: Loaded magazine and TFI Friday felt “laddy” to him. In secondary school, while the majority of boys played football at lunchtimes, he’d disappear to the music room and play piano and drums. “I felt like an oddity – and I was shy,” he tells me.
Since then, our culture has evolved – or so I wish. In my little Brighton bubble, it’s easy to believe that no one challenges women to choose between career and family. I – like many – bring our children up to learn that they can be who they want to be and love who they want to love. At my seven-year-old son Xavi’s school, the girls’ football team is strong; there’s no shortage of boys with long hair and all children are taught to be kind and empathetic.
Shorts
So when I read the new book by the founder of “gentle parenting”, Sarah Ockwell-Smith, How to Raise A Gentle Man, I felt somewhat deflated. At heart, it explains that parents are still more “harsh” to their sons and unconsciously force stereotypes onto them. This might have had a place on bookshelves in 1985; in 2026 do we really still need to be told that boys deserve to express their emotions?
