Here we go again. Every year, with the inevitability of death, taxes and political regicide, the BBC’s Eurovision coverage reminds viewers that most pop music produced in European countries is of a terrible standard, and that our country’s banal offering is never going to inspire any patriotic fervour. This year, British hopes are pinned on an electropop act called Look Mum No Computer, with a truly terrible sub-Depeche Mode song called ‘Eins Zwei Drei’ that contains the lyrics ‘Counting in English doesn’t cut the mustard / So sick of munching roly-poly with custard.’ Don’t call me Cassandra, but I suspect that Look Mum No Computer (real name: Sam Battle) will be receiving rather fewer than drei punkte from many of the international judges.
However, Eurovision is what it is. Since it began in 1956, it has produced the odd brilliant song (most notably ‘Waterloo’ and Sandie Shaw’s ‘Puppet On A String’), along with a huge amount of dross, much of which is forgotten immediately after it is performed. And every year, there are the usual political and nationalistic shenanigans, more pronounced than ever this time round, as several countries including Ireland, Spain and the Netherlands are refusing to participate in the contest in protest at Israel’s inclusion in the event. Similar uproar arose last year and ultimately resulted in the Israeli singer Yuval Raphael – a survivor of the October 7 attacks – having protesters attempt to storm the stage as she performed her song ‘Brand New Day’.
