Pessimism can be a form of self-protection, so it might be helpful to reflect on where this pattern started
I am a 38-year-old woman with three kids and a husband. I often find myself expecting people to disappoint me, and make appointments anticipating that they will back out at the last minute. I then start to play the role of the victim, the friend who has been let down, and this whole narrative begins in my head.
I may invite a friend to something, but then come up with all the reasons why the thing is stupid and they wouldn’t want to come. I downplay it, saying: “Oh, it’s nothing fun”, and “Don’t worry if you can’t come”, even though I know I would have a great time.
I’d love to let go of this mentality of preemptively thinking my friends will let me down, or that I’m not worth making time for. Any tips on how to move through these moments with compassion towards myself and others?
Psychoanalytic psychotherapist Susanna Abse and I thought you were amazingly insightful. Not many people can look at their own behaviour and thoughts in this way. As Abse said: “You’ve done half the work of therapy, which is to notice relational patterns and own them. I’m impressed with this level of insight, although I sense it has led you to feel self-critical and bad about yourself.”
