You might’ve heard of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, as depicted in the Bible’s Book of Revelation. But are you familiar with the Four Horsemen of Divorce?
It’s a concept developed by psychologists John and Julie Gottman to describe four communication patterns that can quietly ― and sometimes not so quietly ― erode a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
“The four horsemen are four types of behaviors that are seen within relationships which typically indicate it may be on the rocks,” Thais Gibson, a relationship expert and founder of The Personal Development School, told HuffPost. “These horsemen, alone or in combination, are what signal a dysfunctional relationship according to Gottman. The more of these traits that are expressed in a relationship, the more likely there is to be a breakup or divorce.”
This framework for identifying unhealthy relationship behaviors stems from the Gottmans’ famous “Love Lab” research.
“Couples actually lived in an apartment for a predetermined amount of time where researchers would observe them, and what they tended to find were the strongest predictors of dissolution were those four horsemen ― criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling,” said M.L. Parker, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Interdependence Clinical Consulting. “So we know these behaviors or characteristics are incredibly harmful to long-term relationships.”
