The silent treatment. The cold shoulder. Stonewalling. Regardless of what you choose to call it, ignoring ― or being evasive toward your partner during an argument ― is a huge communication sin in a relationship.
Stonewalling may seem like an easy way out of an argument, but do it enough and it’s bound to cause problems. In fact, according to renowned researcher John Gottman, routine stonewalling is one of the biggest predictors of divorce.
For 40 years, the psychology professor and his team at the Gottman Institute have studied couples’ interactions to determine the key predictors of divorce — or as Gottman calls them, “the four horsemen of the apocalypse.” (A bit dramatic sounding, sure, but we’re talking about your marriage here ― go along with it.)
Surprisingly, the communication mistakes are more mundane than you’d think: contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling ― the term Gottman uses to describe emotionally withdrawing from your partner ― are the four biggies on the list.
When you stonewall, you disengage right when your partner is trying to have an adult conversation with you. Instead of hashing out your issues, you shut down and turn away, leaving your partner feeling overwhelmed, alone and emotionally vexed.
