If you want permission that it’s OK to hurt a good person: it is, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. There is a life he could have without you
Read more Leading questions
How do I break up with a man who loves me, is super kind and generous, and provides stability but who leaves me feeling cold and irritated most of the time?
I’m a 36-year-old woman and we’ve been together for four years. During this time his stability has provided me with a base to grow and expand in the most wonderful ways. Now I feel suffocated. He is a wonderful person but has no interest in ever leaving his home town to try something new (I’m an immigrant). His only interests are pubs and football and when we go abroad he wants to spend most of his time in the pub, which infuriates me.
I have a dream of travelling the world, becoming a writer and living in a van. I treasure solitude and have a very rich inner life. I don’t think I actually want any sort of romantic relationship again. I see past the mundane and genuinely believe that we can live a different, lighter way should we choose. He is very conventional and has no interest in even sticking his head above the parapet. I don’t think this is a “bad” way to live, I just think it’s not the only way to live. I don’t want to be on my deathbed (in hopefully 50 years’ time), regretting missing out on an adventure because I cared for a man. We want completely different things out of life.
