This is a fairly common problem with decades-long friendship, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Do you respond to the person you knew, or the one you’re tired of knowing?
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An old friend – we first met over 50 years ago – used to be kind, supportive and good company. But she has become a self-absorbed and petulant know-all. She is the centre of her own little world, and all her friends – me included – are expected to run around after her and cater to her needs.
She constantly brings up her health issues, disregarding the fact that other people in our friendship circle also have health worries. The label “narcissist” has been mentioned by some!
In recent years I have taken deliberate steps to reduce the amount of time I spend with her. But other friends of mine, who don’t know her, have been urging me to drop her altogether. I don’t want to do that as I know she would be terribly hurt, but she would never be able to acknowledge that her behaviour is the root cause of tensions between us. I am constantly biting my tongue to avoid the tantrums that erupt whenever I remonstrate with her. Should I go for a clean break or just put up with the bad behaviour?
