People expect effort, not a token ‘I’m sorry’, but be careful not to over-script your acknowledgment of mistakes
Calling the contrite: are you very sorry, or are you extremely remorseful? Do you see that what you did was very wrong, or have you recognised that it was exceedingly reprehensible?
If that sounds like overdoing it, when it comes to expressing regret, syllables matter. That was the conclusion of a study published this week into the perceived sincerity of apologies, which found that when faced with an expression of remorse, we find it more meaningful if the apologiser has used longer words.
That is owing to the perceived extra effort the guilty party is putting in, concluded researchers – even if the effort extends no further than using a slightly more elaborate word.
Fancy language or not, sorry remains the hardest word for a reason, says Dr Tara Quinn-Cirillo, a registered psychologist and associate fellow of the British Psychological Society. “Even if we might understand that what we did or said wasn’t OK, it’s still very hard because it’s admitting vulnerability and we’re not good at being vulnerable. Historically that didn’t keep us safe. So we have our guards up.”
