Luis’s depression has badly affected his sex life with partner Henry, but the bond between them is as strong as ever
How do you do it? Share the story of your sex life, anonymously
We have the option to play away, but I don’t want to experience that intimacy with anybody else
Luis and I met on Grindr 12 years ago, just after he’d moved to the UK and I’d split up with my ex-husband. The last time we had sex was about six months ago, and the time before that, a year. Luis initiated, because even though he’s a bottom, he’s usually the one in control. I now hold back, fearing he’ll reject me. When I do initiate and get a flat-out “no,” I feel sad, but I know not to take it personally.
Five years ago, Luis was diagnosed with depression and was prescribed medication. After that his libido vanished. We have the option to play away, but the less sex Luis and I have, the less I want it with other people. I don’t want to experience that intimacy with anybody else. But once a week, I’ll disappear and be sexual with myself, exploring my fantasies with men on Grindr. When Luis met up with other men, I didn’t feel hurt because he was just doing it to feel sexual, which is easier with someone he doesn’t know, as there are no emotions or expectations.
