We haven't had sex for eight months - my wife finds it too painful

Dear Kenny,

My wife can no longer have sex since menopause and it’s driving me up the wall. She feels pain, I feel frustrated. We love each other but we can’t even talk about it without feeling embarrassed, sad, angry, so many emotions. What can I do so we both get our needs met? Is this normal or is there something I should know about?

We have a close, supportive relationship and have been together for 23 years. When we first met we had sex almost every day. After a few years, that dwindled to about once a week, except for during occasional periods of illness and injury. Now we haven’t had sex for almost eight months and have had to stop the past two times we tried, which I felt terrible about.

Anon, age 53

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