Antonia, 56
double quotation markThe perfect storm of work stress, menopause and raising kids meant our sex life slowly slipped out of view
Rob and I have been together for 33 years but, weirdly, the past 18 months have been the peak of our sex life for me. It took me threatening to file for divorce to bring us back from the brink.If someone told me that the gangly 6ft 6in spotty young man I met on the first day of university was going to be my husband and the father of my children, I wouldn’t have believed it, but that’s what happened. I was drawn towards the dangerous types in leather jackets, but Rob is more like a ginormous teddy bear. By the time we hooked up in second year, we were such good friends that our relationship felt like putting on a pair of comfy slippers. It was so easy, we were two puzzle pieces that slotted together. Our sex life was pretty regular for years – normal, loving, safe.It’s hard to pinpoint when something breaks. But the perfect storm of work stress, menopause and raising kids meant our sex life slowly slipped out of view. I’d be racked with guilt, but couldn’t find it in myself to initiate.Ironically, it was when I started taking testosterone as part of hormone replacement therapy that I started feeling like a woman again. We have a super king-size bed, and for years we slept on opposite sides, not even touching. But three months after starting the testosterone, I said to Rob: “I want you in bed now.”Now, I initiate more than Rob. We’ve completely switched roles. He often jokes that I want to do it every day – which is not true – but what I love is that we now get to enjoy little moments of intimacy every day. When we have sex, he knows a slower rhythm will bring me to completion. He will wait until I’ve orgasmed and then I will finish him off.The closeness of our intimate life and personal relationship are linked. I try to give less weight to the things that annoy me and celebrate the positive parts of our marriage, and the revival of our sex life has brought our relationship back to its roots. Rob tells me I’m wrong about this, but I think now we have sex more, we bicker less.Rob 55
