Given that she is a model, a multi-millionaire, the ex-wife of Orlando Bloom and starts her day at 5am with sun salutations, dry brushing and celery juice, I have not spent much of my life comparing myself with Miranda Kerr.
Now 43 and a skincare mogul, Kerr has been at the vanguard of the toxic wellness culture of the last decade, famous for her absurd morning routines and “360-degree holistic” approach to health, which is laughably unrealistic and whose benefits are spurious. So I am perplexed to have found myself for the past two hours reading about “oxalates” – a term I had never heard until this week – and spinach and kale, leaves I hitherto believed healthy and I now understand are to be avoided if I want to commit to the glowing, parasite-free purity of Kerr.
This week, Kerr (13.8m Instagram followers) appeared on the podcast of former reality star Kristin Cavallari (4.9m Instagram followers) to promote her brand, Kora Organics. Chief among the mind-numbing conversation topics was her diet: she doesn’t eat eggs: “I do protein… bison, venison, lamb…” No sushi, because of “parasites”, no wheat, no dairy. But caviar is fine, and when asked if she eats carbs, the reply was: “I really eat a lot of squash, carrots, parsnips”, but “I don’t eat kale”. Or spinach. My patience and IQ atrophied just watching it.
