Coleen advises a reader who is considering going to a party, where she knows the man she once had an affair with will be there - alongside his wife. Should she attend or fake a sickness bug to get out of it?09:35, 03 Aug 2026Updated 09:40, 03 Aug 2026Dear Coleen,A few years ago I had a short affair with a married man who was a friend of a friend. It wasn’t my proudest moment but I was recently single and hurting, so I suppose I wasn’t that bothered about who else I hurt (his wife and kids).I regret it now and I’ve been in a good relationship for a while.My dilemma is I’ve been invited to a good friend’s 40th birthday party and I’ve just found out that he’s going to be there, along with his wife. I really don’t know how to handle this – do I say something or do I ignore them?I don’t want there to be a weird vibe for the sake of my friend who’s hosting the party.‌I’ve thought about not going but I think my friend would be upset if I bailed on her. My boyfriend would be there with me, which makes me feel slightly better.As far as I know, the guy in question and his wife are happy again and I don’t know whether she ever found out about her husband and me. I’m assuming she doesn’t know, otherwise she probably wouldn’t want to go.What would you do in this situation? All my guilt and shame is catching up with me big time.‌Coleen says,OK, you might not like this, but if it were me, I think I’d feign illness and avoid the situation. At a party where alcohol is involved, it only takes one comment from someone to blow things up and I don’t think it’s worth it.It’s an unpredictable situation. You don’t say if the friend who’s having the party knows about the affair. If she does, then just say that on reflection you wouldn’t be comfortable and don’t think it’s fair to put his wife in that situation either.If she doesn’t know, say you have a sickness bug and don’t want to spread it around and you’ll take her out to celebrate another time.You should be thinking about this man’s wife. Even if she doesn’t know about the affair, it might come out down the line and she’ll look back and remember you all in the same room at that party, which would be horrible and humiliating. Don’t put her in that position.‌If you’re genuinely remorseful about what happened and have any empathy for his wife, then take yourself out of the equation. Your friend will get over it, plus there will be plenty of other people there to celebrate with her.Coleen's words of wisdomWant more peace and less stress in your life? Creating some digital boundaries will help you to switch off. Have phone-free zones at home (the bedroom and the dinner table), avoid social media at the weekends and set yourself screen-time limits.Choose Daily Mirror as a 'Preferred Source' on Google News for quick access to the news you value.‌