It’s a familiar experience for many. Someone shares something meaningful in a conversation, and within milliseconds, the person they’re talking to has pivoted the discussion back to themselves. The pattern repeats itself over and over again, leaving the other person feeling unheard, drained or quietly frustrated. There’s actually a term for this phenomenon: conversational narcissism.
“Conversational narcissism is a communication pattern where someone consistently pulls the focus of the conversation back to themselves,” Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in couples and family therapy, told HuffPost. “It often shows up as not really listening, interrupting or ‘one-upping’ ― where whatever you share is quickly met with a more extreme or more compelling version of their own experience. Over time, the conversation stops feeling like an exchange and starts to feel one-sided.”
Perhaps you asked someone about their work, family, relationships, life experiences, but they didn’t ask you any similar questions. “Or they ask but as soon as you start to speak you get the sense they aren’t really paying attention or aren’t really interested,” Ross explained. “Or they agree and seem to be supportive, but it quickly turns into an example from their own life.”
