Some conversations feel less like a back-and-forth and more like a hostage situation where no matter what you say, the other person finds a way to make it about them. It turns out there’s a term for this phenomenon: conversational narcissism.
“While it’s not a clinical term, we use it in everyday conversation to describe when a dialogue turns into a monologue,” said Dr. Sue Varma, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University Grossman School of Medicine and author of “Practical Optimism: The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being.” “I like to think of a healthy conversation as a game of catch. You throw the ball, the other person catches it, holds it for a second, and throws it back. With conversational narcissism, the other person catches the ball and just runs away with it.”
Sociologist Charles Derber coined the term and explained the phenomenon in his 1979 book “The Pursuit of Attention,” which explored how modern society prioritizes individualism, attention-seeking and the subtle competition for social spotlight.
“This is someone who is constantly moving the conversation back to ― what about me?” said therapist and “Disarming The Narcissist” author Wendy Behary.
