The author said she thought she was supposed to be selfless as a mother. Experience has taught her that she sometimes needs to focus on herself.
Courtesy of Sassica Francis-Bruce.
Not many would think motherhood is a good time to be selfish, but I have learned that selfishness is, in fact, essential to being a good mom.If I had heard this advice before I had children, and even a year or two in, I would have rolled my eyes and dismissed the statement as ridiculous, abhorrent, immature, and very, very selfish. But now that I am in the trenches of raising three kids — 2, 4, and 17 — I know that being selfish not only benefits my health and well-being, but it just might be one of the most profound qualities I can demonstrate to my children.Being a parent of littles is like waking up from a long-haul flight every day, one in which you flew economy, slept in the middle seat, kinked your neck, had too much to drink, and perhaps got food poisoning. And then you have to get off that flight and function as though everything is copacetic. All while raising little humans who cover themselves in yogurt they insist is sunscreen, scream at you to go away while holding onto your leg, insist they are NOT tired as their eyes roll back in their heads, and have a meltdown because their banana is cut/not cut/peeled/not peeled/broken/has a "yucky" bit/too sticky.My life is a roller coaster of ups and downs and demands an abundance of love, patience, and energy. The only feasible way I see to dig deep enough to generate that each day is to spend time and energy on myself, tooMothering is not about being selflessFor someone who was raised to think of others first, this concept of prioritizing myself is entirely new to me. Frankly, it makes me a bit uncomfortable.I grew up thinking that being selfless was a prerequisite of being a mother and a mandatory attribute that if I didn't possess, I should remain childless. I think most women are brought up this way, to think that motherhood entails sacrificing yourself to your children. Naturally, your life and identity change drastically once you have children, but sacrificing yourself ultimately harms everyone in your orbit. Now I know better.Modeling happiness and self-love for my kidsI didn't always have this understanding. After four years as a parent to littles and prioritizing everyone and everything over myself, I'm crumbling, physically and emotionally.
