You've walked in after a day from hell and are feeding the children, making dinner, and firing off emails in a bid to solve the work problem that made you late home.Your husband walks in, asks if you picked up whatever it was he'd asked you to, and you snap back 'As if I've had time!'.The kids look at you, he looks at you, then says, 'Never mind. I'll do it. It's fine. Your work is more important.'He smiles at the children then aims a cooler, falser version at you. It's not fine at all and both of you know it.This is passive-aggressive behaviour at its best (worst): what happens when someone is angry, upset or resentful but doesn't say it openly.Rather than admit what's bothering them, they express it indirectly. Say, 'I'm fine' when they're clearly not, give the silent treatment or make sarcastic comments dressed up as 'jokes'.Think of it as anger with nowhere to goMost men who do it aren't out to annoy you, they've simply never learnt how to say 'I'm annoyed' directly TO you.Regardless, it leaves the person on the receiving end extremely confused. You know something is wrong but are constantly left guessing what it is. UK sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox (pictured) reveals what your husband is really trying to say when he's being passive aggressiveYou spend your life walking on eggshells, trying to decode moods and mixed messages, instead of dealing with the real problem. If that sounds horrendous, you're right.It will destroy your marriageInstead of tackling problems together, as a team, couples slip into a pattern of point-scoring and resentment.The passive-aggressive partner doesn't get their needs met because they never ask for what they want and their spouse grows increasingly frustrated and exhausted.If it's happening in your relationship, you need to fix it - and fast.Here's five common passive-aggressive behaviours that men, particularly, are fond of and how to tackle them.THE MARTYRA martyr is someone who constantly sacrifices their own needs for others - then complains about it bitterly. It appears selfless but it's not.What he says: 'You keep shopping - don't worry about me, I'll just sit here and wait for you. It's not too hot, honest.'What it really means: Every time he puts you first, he keeps score and resentment builds. He wants you to notice without him having to say, 'I do a lot for you and I don't feel appreciated'.How to bite back: The trick with any passive-aggressive behaviour is not to play along with it. Say, 'Is there a shop you would like to look in rather than sit here in the heat?'.If he's always 'agreeing' to your choices but with gritted teeth, say, 'You keep insisting I choose but I'd prefer you to tell me what you'd actually like.' This forces him to take control of his own happiness.What if he's got a point? Does he do more of the compromising in the relationship and genuinely is taken for granted? Admit it. Say, 'I've been thinking about our relationship and think you bend more to accommodate me than I do for you. Let's fix that.'Encourage autonomy by letting him know it's OK to say no. 'You've been really patient, but I think it's time to go home now. It's OK to say that to me.' Ask him to make small decisions to help him get in touch with what he wants, rather than what he thinks you want. Challenge those hard-done-by sighs by saying, 'You look fed up. Do you need my help?'.THE BARBED COMPLIMENTOuch! We've all been on the end of one of those - and it's never pleasant.What he says: 'You look great! It's working, not ordering all that pizza.'What it really means: This is criticism smuggled inside praise. But you both know he's basically saying, 'You were getting fat from eating all that junk. Thank God you finally noticed my disapproval and did something about it.'How to bite back: Separate the compliment and call him on the sting in the tail. 'I'll take the 'you look great' but don't need the bit about the pizza'. If you say it lightly, he gets the message you noticed the barb, but the point is made without WW3 erupting.Look beneath what's happening on the surface. Men often become passive-aggressive because they grew up thinking it wasn't safe or acceptable to express negative emotions directly to women. Others use passive aggression because it allows them to punish or control someone without being blatantly hostile.He's got a point: You've been moaning about feeling fat for years and finally accepted those late-night pizzas in front of the telly are part of the reason why?If he genuinely has been trying to help by pointing out the obvious, accept defeat graciously. Say, 'Thanks for the compliment - and you were right about the pizza.'OVER-APOLOGISINGHe repeatedly says 'sorry', not because he's genuinely remorseful but because he feels resentment. It's usually delivered in a giveaway sarcastic tone.What he says: 'No, honestly, it's my fault. I shouldn't have suggested giving you a massage when I know you're stressed.'What it really means: 'You're stressed and making everyone miserable and on top of that you've refused my offer to fix it'. What he suggested was meant as a 'nice thing' - and you're a miserable so-and-so for refusing it.How to bite back: Over-apologising is designed to force you to apologise back and comfort him. But resist the urge to rush in with, 'No, no, you're lovely! I shouldn't have reacted like that!'. Instead, call him on giving mixed messages. 'It was nice of you to offer. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear enough so I'm doing that now.' This stops the guilt trip he'd hoped to trigger instantly.He's got a point: The offer was genuine, but the timing was a little off? Or you're a person who hates massages? Be honest. Say, 'I know you're trying to help but it would help more if you asked what I need rather than deciding for me. What I'd really appreciate is for you to help more with the chores that need doing.'THE JOKE THAT ISN'T A JOKECouples who feel obliged to stay together but stopped enjoying each other years earlier specialise in this one.It's classic passive-aggressive behaviour because if you react - which is exactly what they want you to do - they can brush it off as you being 'too sensitive' or you 'can't take a joke'. Real jokes between people who love each other don't make people feel hurt. If they do, there's a dig in there somewhere.What he says: 'No-one can ever accuse Sarah of being late. She'll arrive at the dinner party before the hosts have decided what to serve.'What it really means: It's all said in a cheery voice with a wink to the audience but it's still an insult wrapped in banter. Usually delivered in front of other people, it sounds innocent enough, but they aren't to know that your insistence in being early drives him nuts and causes endless rows.How to bite back: At the time, smile but then quickly change the subject. Don't laugh along with something that's intended as an insult but don't make a big deal of it while other people are there either. That's what he wants: for others to say, 'Sarah! Don't be silly! He was only joking!'. Once they're gone, look him in the eye and say calmly, 'That was a dig not a joke. If something's bothering you, talk to me directly when we're alone.'He has a point: Even if you are chronically early and need to work on it, you shouldn't be the punchline in front of your friends. When you're alone, say, 'You're right, I am too early to things. I need to work on that. But we both know you aren't joking so don't pretend it is a joke when you say things like that.'I'M FINEUsually delivered with a sigh and drooping shoulders, it's a favourite with people who enjoy people feeling sorry for them.What he says: 'I'm fine. Honestly. Don't worry about it', delivered with a face that says the opposite.What it really means: 'I'm clearly not fine but you have to figure out what I'm upset about because I'm not going to tell you.' You not only have to figure out what's upset him, he never has to say directly what's bothering him. Instead, you play detective every single time.How to bite back: Don't follow him around asking, 'Are you sure you're fine?'. That's exactly the response he's after: you're anxious and he's wounded. Instead, say, 'You say you're fine but you're obviously not. I'm here if you want to talk about it.' Then stop hovering and get on with your day. This puts the onus back on him to articulate whatever slight caused him to take offense.He has a point: Sometimes, 'I'm fine' when he's not, is a legitimate need for space rather than manipulation. Some people need time to process things alone before they can talk about them. If that's how he operates, respect it. Say, 'I know you aren't fine but also know you like to think things through before talking to me. I'm here when you are ready.'Visit traceycox.com or @traceycoxsexauthor.