Last Christmas, my daughter was almost banished from a kingdom.She and my friend's daughter, both under seven years old, were happily playing make-believe at my new friend's home when, suddenly, the game changed.My friend's child crowned herself queen in their imaginary world and brusquely told my daughter that she couldn't be queen, too.My instinct was to dethrone the tiny sovereign. But I decided not to get into any disagreement with her parents, so I held my tongue and redirected their play instead.Other parents I spoke to had similar stories about exclusion.
One friend's five-year-old didn't get to attend a kindergarten classmate's birthday party after the host rescinded the invitation sent to the whole class, claiming the response from my friend was late – even though there was no deadline stated.One parenting expert recalled how her six-year-old son was shooed away when he asked to join a football kickaround at the playground, with boys shouting, "Go play with the girls". He left the playground in tears.Another friend said her bright, bookish son was repeatedly left out of game and movie nights throughout his upper primary and secondary school days, because his schoolmates assumed that he "would not enjoy such activities". At 17, he still struggles with self-doubt and finds it difficult to form new friendships, she added.While occasional rejection is an inevitable part of growing up, parenting experts and counsellors cautioned that deliberate and repeated exclusion can leave children questioning their self-worth – and that how parents respond in those moments may matter more than the exclusion itself.Early brain development specialist Patricia Zoey Tan, 54, from The Early Brain Academy, which offers mentorship programmes for parents with children under three, said that the effects of exclusion are generally felt more acutely in the teenage years, because adolescents are more emotionally sensitive and self-aware. They are also likelier to see social media posts about events they are left out of, making exclusion feel even more acute.
