When school fees are £60,000-plus a year to board, a jar of homemade jam with a scribbled ‘To the Best Teacher’ tag doesn’t really cut it as an end-of-term gift.At Britain’s poshest and most expensive schools – Eton, Wellington College, Harrow, Marlborough – the gifting is all-out bling.We’re talking a designer trinket for the deputy head and Fortnum’s hampers for the rest.It all starts, inevitably, on the school WhatsApp group a month before the end of term.‘Just wondering what we’re getting for Mr Briggs in pastoral care?’ reads a message from the self-appointed class rep who takes their role as seriously as a full-time corporate job.Mr Briggs is the man who confiscates vapes and fields increasingly creative excuses for why they were ‘just holding it for a friend’.The answer, naturally, is a sizeable bribe – ‘Some new garden furniture from John Lewis?’, suggests someone. Gift number one is sorted.Next on the list is matron, and the group chat has opinions. ‘Should we do a Fortnum’s hamper or just ask what wine she likes?’But someone knows exactly what’s being quaffed after school hours, and the chat duly settles upon six bottles of Whispering Angel and a £40 box of truffles. ‘She mentioned she liked rosé at the summer fair, remember?’Gift number three is for the deputy head, and this is where things get really showy. At Britain’s poshest and most expensive schools – Eton, Wellington College, Harrow, Marlborough – the end-of-term gifting is all-out bling (picture posed by models)A Smythson card holder, an Anya Hindmarch bag (don’t panic, it’s a snip in the sale at £475), or on one thread doing the rounds this term, a luxury spa day.For men, someone might well suggest a Formula 1 driving experience at Silverstone costing northwards of £300.Then there’s the form tutor, who gets the ‘thoughtful’ one: a Le Creuset casserole dish engraved with a thank-you message, because nothing says ‘you taught my son fractions’ quite like £200 worth of cast-iron.A friend tells me that at her children’s prep school, one family gifted their form teacher their villa in Tuscany for a week – relegating her own hastily wrapped bottle of pinot grigio to a zero points offering by comparison.It’s a fine line to walk on; spending enough to say a proper thank you, but not so much that you tip into ‘ghastly new money’ territory.The old-money set have their own trick: a jar of homemade plum jam, supplemented with tea at the castle. Or an open invitation to use the grounds for your daughter’s wedding next year.You simply can’t compete with that.The sweet spot, parents agree, is something that looks effortless, but costs a small fortune.Gift number five is for the teacher you actually like, and who your child actually likes too, even though they probably only see your little darling for two half-hour slots a week, sandwiched between sex education and religious studies.A candle is always a safe bet but not the sort you can pick up from the middle aisle at Aldi. Those candles, of course, come with an obnoxiously generic label like ‘The Hotel Collection’, and the trouble is, the teacher will know that you know it’s not the real thing.That knowledge gets transferred via one perfectly raised eyebrow, and you will forever after be known as the ‘Aldi gifter’. So back you go to the Jo Malone counter and part with the cash for the real deal. Gifts options include a Fortnum’s hamper or even designer trinkets at private schools where fees are £60,000-plus a year to boardThen come gift numbers six to ten – for the teachers who fill the cracks: the sweet music teacher who willingly teaches 12-year-olds the violin, the PE chap who turns a blind eye to the vapes, and so on. It’s a snowball effect: once you start gifting, you can’t stop.The WhatsApp group will guilt trip you in any case. ‘What about Mr X?’ someone will ask, and rather than admitting that, actually, no, you’d rather not, you mutter ‘sure, why not?’, and add another voucher to the pile.At least it avoids the indignity of peeling a candle label off and replacing it with a steamed-off one from somewhere posher.By the end of term, the teachers head home with a bag full of goodies and a half-decent bottle of something. You, meanwhile, head home lighter in the wallet.Just as you think it’s all over for another year, some kind soul sets up a new WhatsApp group headed ‘Class Rep Leaving Gift’, and the whole charade begins again.You want to leave the group, but that would be witnessed by every other gifting parent. So you mute your expletives and pay out once more.Narina Ellis is a pseudonym. All names and identifying details have been changed