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My grandson has always been aloof with us. I tell myself it's because he's a pandemic baby and our bonding time was stolen. Why does my coming in for a hug make him feel uncomfortable? I assumed that my affection would be reciprocated by all of my grandkids. Wanting to both express my love while respecting his comfort zone, I approach with awkward caution.The plan was for me to go to my son and daughter-in-law's house to babysit my two grandsons on Saturday night. As usual, I check in by text the night before to confirm the time. "Would I prefer to have them sleep over at our house?" she texted back. As I let that sit for a minute, I weighed the implications. Was this a subterfuge to get a night off from the kids?I became overcome with guilt. My babysitting had fizzled out since I had recently told all of my adult children I needed some respite. Shouldn't I want to spend more time with my grandkids, who bring me such joy?I was ambivalent about the whole situationWhat I thought would be a few hours of babysitting was turning into a potential two-day affair. On Sunday, I wanted to catch up after my busy week and prepare for the next one. With the kids staying overnight, it put a real squeeze on my time.
