Since Lily Allen dropped her diss album, West End Girl, detailing the dire consequences of opening up her marriage to David Harbour, my friends have been jumping ship from this trend like lemmings, and I am relieved. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) has never been for me. I’ve never thought it possible to have multiple partners safely, and the fact everyone seemed to be at it made me feel like the weirdo for not getting involved – although I have got close.
“Shall we… shall we do it…?” I ask my boyfriend. I’m holding my phone, about to post on a sex app that will instantly connect me with those looking to hook up with couples. It’s half past two in the morning in a hotel in a different city and we’ve been f***king for hours. It would take about 60 minutes for this person to get to us. Too long. I grab his face, throw the phone to the side, and climb on top of him to finish what we’d started.
I wake up with a sore head and instantly remember last night. Phew. It’s just him in bed. I reach around for my phone and open the app and – thank the maker! – I hadn’t pressed send. This was fantasy and not reality. While horny, intoxicated me thinks I could handle this situation, in the cold light of day, sober me absolutely couldn’t. And nor could he.
