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When 38-year-old Bernie Sinclaire first invited her friend Anabelle Gonzalez to move into her Washington Heights two-bedroom, it was supposed to be a temporary arrangement. Gonzalez, a 39-year-old single mother raising a daughter, had just broken up with her boyfriend and couldn’t afford the rent on her studio apartment by herself.
Gonzalez was a little worried about impinging on Sinclaire, also a single mother, but took the offer — her only other option was to move in with her mother in New Jersey. It was close quarters: Sinclaire’s two boys had to move into her bedroom, while Gonzalez and her daughter slept on the bunk bed in what had been the boys’ room. But it was still more space than what Gonzalez used to have in her studio, and Sinclaire’s kids co-slept with her most nights anyway. Sinclaire’s ex had also lived with them previously, so she was used to a household of four; five didn’t make much of a difference. In fact, the new arrangement confirmed Sinclaire’s resolve to stop living with men entirely.
Sinclaire had actually wanted to live with other single moms — or what some have taken to calling a “mommune” — for several years. She’d known since her first serious relationship in her 20s that she mostly wanted to be a mother — not a wife — but she fell into a pattern of cohabiting with her children’s fathers and then finding herself unhappy when she ended up prioritizing their needs over her own. She knew being a single mom would come with challenges; her own mother had raised six by herself. Still, she says, “If I’m going to sacrifice a big part of myself for someone I love, I want to do it on my own terms.” Living with Gonzalez and her daughter was the first trial run.
