You’d think if your partner were having an affair, you’d be able to spot the signs. There may be unusual financial transactions, they’re suddenly very secretive about their phone, or they’ve become vague about their whereabouts when they’re not with you. All highly suspicious. Yet, every year, thousands of people find out the person they loved has been unfaithful and are completely blindsided.
Psychologist Dr Claudia Mulligan from Soho Psychology says affairs rarely announce themselves. “More often, they arrive quietly, with a subtle shift in atmosphere, a feeling that something is off before you can name what it is. As a psychologist working with couples and individuals, I’ve sat with countless people who, looking back, realise the signs were there long before the truth emerged.”
Relationship and sex therapist Georgina Vass says people usually have affairs with someone already in their orbit. “Whether it’s someone from work or from their wider social circle, it tends to begin where there is easy access and less of a deliberate choice. With someone already in reach it may feel safe, it’s not difficult to hide and the attraction and connection can gradually build over time.”
Shorts
According to Mulligan, the data and clinical picture tell a consistent story: affair rates are lowest in early adulthood, rise through the mid-thirties, and peak between 40 and 60. For men, rates remain elevated into the late sixties and seventies.
