When I was very small, I knew a girl who stopped going to ballet on Saturday mornings because she didn’t want to be away from her mum. At the time, this shocked me, because it just didn’t make any sense. Nobody wants to be away from their mum – obviously – but I had never been given a choice. This may have been driven by my parents’ desire for a few hours of peace and quiet at the weekend, but as I understood it, getting out, taking part and committing to things was a non-negotiable part of life. I didn’t know you could opt out.
I’d forgotten about that until about a month ago, when my Instagram feed started to be flooded with influencers posting videos about their “typical evenings” as a twentysomething or thirtysomething woman with no friends. They usually involve a very cosy-looking, pristine flat, scented candles, a beautiful and balanced meal for one, sparkling water poured in a wine glass, an LED skincare mask, a fluffy, talkative cat, a puzzle, a BookTok hit on Kindle and a 9pm bedtime.
There is little to distinguish them from the other 200 aspirational, lifestyle mini-vlogs passively eroding my self-esteem every day except for the hook: “no friends”. It’s okay, and in fact quite glamorous, these videos seem to say, to be introverted to the point of reclusive because look: life can still be fulfilling and, crucially, look pretty.
