The author moved from the US to Denmark.
Courtesy of Rebekah Joy Portraits
If you looked at my Danish husband's social media, you wouldn't know he is a parent.There are no monthly updates about our 3-year-old son, Aksel, no sentimental captions about milestones, and no proof that he is involved in family life.The truth is, he is an incredible father. He just doesn't feel the need to narrate it.When I moved from the US to Denmark eight years ago for love, I barely noticed that difference. But after becoming a mother in Copenhagen, I started to see how much of the parenting culture I had absorbed in America was about proof: proof I was trying hard enough, sacrificing enough, and doing enough.In Denmark, parenting feels less curated and less dependent on public approval. While that does not mean love is absent or less intense, it feels different from the constant social media comparisons around motherhood that seem to dominate my American social media feed.The longer I parent here, the more I realize that becoming a "good parent," at least for me, has meant unlearning instincts I did not even know I had absorbed: the urge to manage, document, and enrich every aspect of my child's life.Fatherhood looks different hereBefore having Aksel, I, of course, believed in gender equality. However, motherhood taught me how swiftly those ideals can collapse after having a baby, especially for women raised in cultures where maternal love seems measured by the burdens they shoulder without complaint (American trends, such as TikTok tradwives, exacerbate this).
