Can’t stand your friend’s other half? You could be walking into a minefield, warn experts. Here they share advice, from owning jealous feelings to blowing off steam (with the right person)
Y
ears ago, my best friend fell in love with a man I disliked. He had a habit of looking over my shoulder when I tried to talk to him, and I thought he was too possessive. He spoke to her using a special high-pitched baby voice, and the worst thing was that my friend absolutely loved it, and would baby-talk right back. Thinking that our friendship was bound to outlive her infatuation, I made it obvious that I disliked him. I very pointedly made plans without him, and when I was forced to spend time in his presence I made so many private jokes I was essentially talking to my friend in a horrible baby language all of my own.
To no one’s surprise but mine, this behaviour didn’t have the desired effect. My friend started avoiding me. Her boyfriend won and eight years later he’s still winning. They are getting married next year, and I am not invited.
Disliking a friend’s partner is such a common experience, but it’s hard to know what to do about it. Experts agree that if you suspect that your loved one is at risk of physical or emotional abuse from an intimate partner, you should let them know that you’ve noticed something is wrong. But what if your friend isn’t in danger, and you just feel their other half isn’t worthy of them? What if he makes sexist jokes? Or worse, he’s really into nutrition? What if he traps you in long, intensely detailed conversations about his triathlon training and breathes exclusively through his mouth?
