The great shared bed debate is here – and you have to pick a side | Polly Hudson

My friend and her partner just sleep wherever, depending on who gets into bed first. Such chaos is unthinkable

H

ow well do any of us really know our friends? You may be confident of the answer to that, feel secure – smug, even – but be warned. One day, a little detail might accidentally slip out, and you’ll suddenly discover they’re not just a stranger, but also a bit weird.

Turns out my friend and her partner don’t have designated sides of the bed. They just sleep wherever, depending on who gets in first, like animals. She did at least have the decency to look ashamed after revealing this, and – perhaps I’m imagining it – also a little relieved. The burden of carrying such a secret must have weighed heavily.

They never even discussed or agreed upon it, it “just happened naturally”. To clarify, this isn’t anything to do with the recent slumber deep dive from psychotherapist Heather Darwall-Smith, where she advised that “sleep compatibility matters” in a ​couple. This isn’t a solution to a problem. It’s just a sick quirk. Anarchy.