A new book argues women must think of themselves as ‘providers’ and not just financially independent

I didn’t grow up thinking I might have to be the breadwinner. I grew up knowing I already was.

We’re two sisters. No son. Which in India means the “what a son would do” column became ours. Our parents never said it outright, but it was understood; if a brother existed, I know the picture would look different. We’d still be “encouraged to be independent”, sure. But the fierce ownership over finances, our own and our family’s, wouldn’t have been ours to claim so fully.

Sometimes I spiral into the counterfactual: Who would I be if that sense of accountability hadn’t been placed squarely on my shoulders? If I was cushioned by someone else’s assumed role as provider? So much of my personality, like my grit, my obsession with autonomy, my paranoia about fragility, was forged in that absence.

Most of us are walking around with a dangerous assumption. We think someone else will catch us if we fall. We think our salaries are supplementary. We think breadwinning is for other people: the unlucky ones, the ones whose backup plans failed.

We’re wrong.