It’s a common experience. You’re venting to a friend about a rough week at work, and suddenly they jump in with a story about their own boss, their own drama, their own week. You feel like you’re listening instead of being heard.
According to communication expert and life coach Hailey Magee, this experience can reveal a classic mismatch between two distinct conversation styles ― “the maintainer” vs. “the builder.” And it may also be a quietly painful source of friction in relationships.
“When we expect others to communicate exactly as we do, it’s easy to assume that they’re being inconsiderate or uncaring when their communication diverges from our expectations,” Magee told HuffPost. “When two people with conflicting communication styles come together, they often misinterpret the other’s behavior negatively.”
But understanding these contrasts can transform how you relate to the people around you. Below, Magee breaks down the difference between maintainers and builders, and how to navigate conversations where they clash.
What is a ‘builder’ and what is a ‘maintainer’?
