Parents today try to raise their children for good grades, perfect behavior and high achievement. We want them to do well and be able to handle challenges in life. But research shows that confidence and resilience stem from a child’s ability to feel safe being fully themselves.
In my work of studying over 200 kids, and as a mother, I’ve found that beneath the defiance and behavior problems, there is almost always a child who doesn’t feel comfortable expressing what they feel and need.
In other words, how safe your child feels with you today shapes who they become as adults. Here are six ways to shape that safety early on.
Most parents move quickly to calm or fix. When a child cries, we might say “you’re okay.” When they’re angry, we say “calm down.” When they’re overwhelmed, we look for the fastest way out of the moment.
As a result, children learn to disconnect from themselves faster and faster. What they actually need is a parent who can stay in the feeling with them longer than feels comfortable.
