I never imagined that finding love in my 40s would lead me to reality television. Yet there I was, staring at an Instagram DM from a friend that read: “This show sounds perfect for you 👀.” She’d tagged me in a casting call for “Kings Court,” a new show set to premiere on Bravo TV and Peacock.
My first instinct was to laugh. I’m a doctor. I’m used to saving lives, not competing for declarations of love on prime-time television. But after years of long hospital shifts, well-meaning advice from friends and dating apps that felt more like an obstacle course than a love story, I had to face a quieter truth: success hadn’t made dating easier. It had made it lonelier. So, I didn’t delete the message. I sat with it. And eventually, I clicked on the link.
Dating in my 40s as a successful Black woman isn’t what people might imagine. From the outside, it looks like options. On the inside, it often feels like silence. Between 12-hour workdays, raising my son, and building a life I’m deeply proud of, my time and energy were stretched thin. But what surprised me wasn’t just the lack of time, it was how my success seemed to narrow the dating pool.
As a girl, I grew up with the pressure to perform. This isn’t unique to me — it’s the reality for many Black and brown girls. I understood early that who I was didn’t just reflect on me, it reflected on my household, my community and the generations who came before me. Excellence wasn’t optional; it was expected. And beneath that expectation, an unspoken question took root: If I have to be twice as good to be seen, what will it take to be chosen?
