I had an abortion due to climate anxiety. How can I come to terms with it? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

Counselling should help, but it sounds as if you need to slow down and give yourself time to grieve

I am 37 years old, happily married and have two children, who came along quickly after we got married in my late 20s. I instantly fell in love with them. However, I wasn’t really emotionally or practically ready, and developed postnatal anxiety.

I’ve always cared about the climate crisis, and since after having kids, and knowing it will affect their lives more than mine, I became motivated to make changes. We live a very “green” life.

I know how lucky I am to have two healthy children, but I longed for a third. I still can’t believe how fast my two are growing – many of my friends still have lots of time to enjoy with their toddlers. However, fears for the future and the impact on the planet left me consumed with indecision. I had counselling, which helped. My husband has always been content with two but happy to have a third if I wanted, so we tried. I got pregnant. Within a week I was wrought with an intense fear for the future and the impact of the climate crisis. I spoke to some friends, and at length to my husband, and had a termination.

Initially I felt relief, then devastation at what I had done. With the help of antidepressants and counselling I felt more on an even keel, but never at peace. After a year, I still felt sadness and regret, so we decided to try again. I became pregnant, and again, as if a switch had been turned, I felt intense anxiety and couldn’t see a positive future. Ultimately, I had a miscarriage.