“He’s very hard on himself,” my 11-year-old’s teacher said during our first-semester conference, “and often this frustration brings him to tears.”
We sat in a weird quiet as my son’s teacher filled the space with an apologetic smile — a small consolation for what felt like my big parenting fail. I sank further down into my kid-sized seat as my brain scrambled to give a valid reason for my son’s stress. Instead of words coming out of my mouth, I managed a nod and more silence.
I knew what she was saying: My son struggles with perfectionism and this pressure was creating fear and nervousness during class. Finally, I offered, “Yes, it’s something we’re working on.” She held my gaze letting me know she understood I was aware, and the conference moved on from there. What I couldn’t move on from was the nagging feeling I didn’t totally understand how we got here.
When I was a pregnant person resting my swollen feet and trying not to pee on myself, I did a little research. Ultimately, I figured it would be my child’s temperament and his in-the-moment needs that informed my parenting, but I wanted to lay good groundwork. After talking with my husband, we decided a gentle parenting approach would be a good place to start.
