A change of heart on the search for a GHS down by the Thames before discovering the growing trend for ‘posting zero’
The hunt is apparently on in London for the German hairy snail. OK. I have an idea. Why don’t we NOT search for anything called “the German hairy snail”? In fact, I have an even better idea – why don’t we not search for any kind of “hairy snail”. I would go even further and suggest not searching for anything “hairy” at all because that is second only to “mucus” in the list of world’s worst words. But I will settle for not searching for the thing that unassailably evokes the two in grotesque combination.
Except, it turns out – the German hairy snail (hereafter known as the GHS because, honestly, with the best will in the world, I simply CANNOT) is only hairy on its shell and, most crucially, is only the size of a fingernail. And it has apparently been here since Neolithic times – though surviving now only in tiny patches along the Thames, which back in the stone age used to connect to the Rhine. In Germany, do you see? Also, there exists something called the Conchological Society of Great Britain and Ireland, which is supporting the survey, and I didn’t know the word “conchological” before. All these deeply pleasing new pieces of information change everything and I am now heading for the mudbanks of the Thames with a will. The more you know, the less you fear! There’s almost a lesson in that somewhere. Truly, even the hairiest molluscs have much to teach us.
