He swears it’s just a kink and he will never cheat, but I worry that one day he will leave me for a man
My partner has always been aroused by gay sexual acts and only really manages to have sex with this stimulus. He was honest about this from the start. I’m quite open-minded and went along with a lot of scenarios that turned him on. He says it’s just a kink and he’s not gay.
However, now every time we have sex it’s always focused on the fantasy of him being with a man. He never looks at me with desire other than saying my face is really pretty. I can walk about naked and he won’t bat an eyelid. He sees me as a femdom, which I think means he likes me to make him “come out”. He’s an honest man, good to me and we get along perfectly. I just feel a bit undesired as a woman and worry one day he will decide he is, in fact, gay.
What should I do? He swears he only wants to be with me and will always love me, will never cheat, and I completely trust him. I don’t want to talk about it in case I make him feel bad about himself, as I want him to feel safe and accepted. Should I quit worrying about my own hangups?
Different couples make all kinds of different pacts with each other – some spoken, some unspoken. In your partnership it seems you originally found parity; you both benefited from the arrangement between you. Aside from being happy in your everyday lives together, you were able to use your sexual creativity to satisfy him, and in turn perhaps he was able to avoid having to acknowledge aspects of his sexual orientation that made him uncomfortable.
