Like many women, I was conditioned to people-please – until I realised that this was neither helping others, nor myself
T
here is a big difference between being kind and being nice. I’m a cleaner, and I was emphatically told this by an elderly client. I was, I confess, rather prone to giving her dogs a few too many treats. It’s a sensible thing to do when you’re visiting a new client with dogs that don’t know you – making anything with teeth think of me as an unalloyed good thing is something I believe in.
Only – as their owner pointed out to me – it wasn’t kind. After I left, this pack of rather large and difficult dogs weren’t as receptive to training. Why didn’t I play with them instead? It would have been just as effective. The answer, of course, was that I took the easy option. I wanted their owner to think I was wonderful, to see how her dogs loved me. I wasn’t, in fact, thinking of being a good thing for the dogs. I just wanted the adoration without putting in the work.
But her words got me thinking about what it means to be truly kind. Being nice is all about how you wish to be viewed, whereas being kind means doing what is right – never mind the optics.
